November 2024:

Life, Death, and Everything in Between

As a rabbi in the position of community chaplain I see death, sickness and grief as often as I see birth, healing, and joy. I officiate as many funerals as I do weddings. I get to be with people during some of the most important and transformative times of their lives. I use my personal and professional experience and years of education to help facilitate these important life cycle events. This summer I officiated 5 weddings and 4 funerals. Last week I visited the hospital to counsel several sick patients and to welcome into the world my twin niece and nephew. In each experience I came alongside a different family amid profound change.

Last week I joined my co-facilitators, JFCS’s Missy Fry and Doug Ruth, whom are both Licensed Clinical Social Workers, and I ended the 8-week run of the grief group, Walking Beside You. This group was specifically for people who have lost their spouses. The people who attended have all had their lives changed beyond measure. They found deep comfort in each other, comfort in the fact that others had survived the same kind of loss, and comfort in the ability to talk through some of the questions and issues that have come from their specific kind of loss. After 8 weeks it was sad to see the group end, but it was also good to see how much connection, comfort and healing happened.

I was thinking about the loss these individuals were experiencing when I ran into a man whose wife was a patient of mine two years ago. I was with them both when she died. I remember how much grief there was and how even though she was relatively young, her body racked with ALS, had shortened her life.

The man was now engaged to a woman who had a few years before lost her husband. They asked me to officiate their wedding, that will happen later this month, and I agreed. They told me that they found in each other a healing love. They found a safe harbor for memories and a place to explore who they are now. With deep gratitude they started to say to each other “we get to do this” because they get to keep living and loving. They talked about how their spouses are a part of who they have become, and they bring all of that with them into this new beginning together with thankfulness.

What I have learned about grief is that when the heart is ripped open from loss, it gains the ability to grow even bigger. There is no question that it is painful but if you allow yourself to feel the pain and grow with the pain it will become bearable. Eventually, you will grow into the person you are now, because you will never be who you were before you felt this kind of loss.

The pain of loss leaves the heart open, filled now not only with the love you knew (because that love never goes away) but with the capacity for deep empathy and compassion. Loss is the fertilizer from which empathy and compassion grow, it is the basin where wisdom can emerge, and new love can find fertile ground to flourish. For the heart to grow after loss it must be nurtured.

Last week my brother and sister-in-law’s twins were born. It is with great joy that my family welcomes these two new lives into the world. After so much personal loss it is such a gift to see these two beautiful babies bring change and new hope. It is awe inspiriting to see new life and know that within those tiny bodies is all the information about how they will grow and develop. They will be nurtured, loved and, over time, they will show us who they are.

We will all have times in life where we feel powerless, where we are forced to experience a change we did not want, and all must eventually experience loss. Yet life moves forward, days pass and love will come again. Children are born, couples are united in loving unions, love grows and thrives, and as is stated in Ecclesiastes 1:9, “there is nothing new beneath the sun.” So live while you can, cry when you need to, and love as much as your heart will let you; because this too will pass, this too will change.

Rabbi Sarah Rensin
(503) 226-7079 ext. 740
rabbisarah@jfcs-potland.org

October 2024:

The Days of Awe

This Rosh Hashanah, as I dipped my apples into honey, I reflected on the nature of both items, what they represent, and how they are very much like the Jewish people.

The apple symbolizes who we, the Jewish people are, in this moment of time. It’s shape and taste have been forever changed by the events of October 7th. The ground in which it grew was fertilized by soil seeped in the blood of civilians, terrorists and soldiers. The rain that watered the trees was salted with our tears. The air that breathed life into the apple blossoms, was polluted with Jew hatred.

We feel grief as we remember those who used to glean the apples with us, now absent from our holiday tables. The sweetness of this year’s apples can’t help but be diminished.

By contrast, while the honey also reflects the time in which it was harvested, its nature is one of preservation. The oldest honey is 5500 years old and was found at a burial site in a ceramic vessel in the modern-day Republic of Georgia. Honey is flavored with ingredients that tell us about the culture and environment where it was created. It contains the ability to heal wounds, sooth spirits, build resistance to outside allergens, and reduce internal inflammation.

When we use the honey of our past, spiced with the resilience of our ancestors, we are reminded of where we came from. The bees that diligently worked to create this honey, did so together. This product of their shared labor sustained the whole community even in harsh times. The enduring sweetness reminds us that this too shall pass, and we will know joy again.

These days are still the days of awe. It is not yet Yom Kippur so it is still our obligation to fix and forgive what we can. However, not everything can be fixed and not everything can be forgiven. We will heal our wounds, soothe our spirits, combat hatred, and ease our internal struggles. I know this to be true because survival is what we do. The generations to come they will remember, just as we remember; and they will live, just as we live. Judaism will grow and as always evolve, but it will not fade away.

Our ability to renew each year is as fresh as the apple; the power of our perseverance is as sweet as honey.

Rabbi Sarah Rensin
(503) 226-7079 ext. 740
rabbisarah@jfcs-potland.org

September 2024:

Reflections on Life’s Voyages

Chaplain’s Log Star date 9.5784

It is month two aboard the JFCS and the captain and crew have been welcoming. As the incoming Jewish Community Chaplain, I have been asked to write a blog to share mission activities, recommendations, and wisdom.

I have always loved Star Trek, not just because both grandfathers were aerospace engineers but because the human need to explore, question and understand often finds itself looking towards the stars. There in the stars we are confronted with how small we are in the universe and simultaneously how wondrous it is that we each exist as individuals.

In Star Trek the earth has found a guiding force of unity, there are regular attempts to disrupt the peace but, in general the problems of earthly existence are solved. According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of human needs when people struggle to receive the basic needs of safety, food, housing, rest, and health the need to survive dominates their existence. Only when those things are met can they move towards fulfilling the need for love, community, friendship, and intimacy. When those needs are met, they can give of themselves to help others meet their needs. It’s like the saying goes, “you can’t pour from an empty pitcher”.

The Jewish month of Elul starts at the beginning of September this year. Elul is a special time for the Jewish people because it is a time of deep reflection and change that precedes the High Holidays. It is a time where we can evaluate our needs and our ability to help other people. A time to check just how full our pitcher is and makes some choices about what we need/can do. Are you surviving? Are you thriving? Are you able to help those people who aren’t but want the opportunity to live healthier, happier lives?

I have noticed that it is often harder to ask for help than to give help. Giving is often its own reward, while asking for help can feel vulnerable and weak. The truth is we all need help sometimes and there is great strength in asking for help. Asking for help lets other people feed their soul by helping and doing the work they feel called to do. Asking for help means someday being able to not only give back but to understand what it means to need help and receive help.

So, this year as we move towards another Jewish New Year, I will continue to hope that someday our earthly problems will be solved, and we can “boldly go where no person has gone before” (even Star Trek still needs to work on somethings). Until then I will be here at JFCS waiting for your call, so I can help, when you need help.

Rabbi Sarah Rensin
(503) 226-7079 ext. 740
rabbisarah@jfcs-potland.org

JFCS’ Counseling program can help as well. Our counselors provide compassionate mental health services to adults, children, teens, and families facing life’s challenges. For more information about JFCS’ clinicians and how to see a JFCS therapist, click here.